What if?

Have you ever wondered what would happen if you died? Not about whether there's a heaven or hell, but more on what you would leave behind. The people you knew. The people who knew you. Your parents. Your brothers. Your sisters. Your friends. Your best friends. Your neighbors. Everyone. How would they react? How would they take the news? Would they cry? Would they laugh? Would they even care?

Lately, I've been feeling pretty neglected. Yeah, I can still feel that some people care about me, but what about the rest? The group of people that I call "friends" haven't been treating me that way lately. Instead, they have been users, freeloaders. And that just doesn't seem fair. I care about them. It makes me happy to see them happy, so I give them what they want. I'm not asking for anything in return, but would it hurt to say thank you? Instead of those two words, they end up asking for more.

So I gave them a place to stay during their breaks. I gave them something to do when they're bored. I let them print their assignments for free. I give them some snacks for when they get hungry. But then what? I get shoved aside. While they are all enjoying, I end up alone at the side.

So what can I do? Stay put and keep quiet. Yep, that's about it. And once they close the door behind them, I burst into tears, without them even knowing. I've gotten used to doing that lately. And if some other friends drop by, I can quickly regain my composure without them suspecting a thing. I can't let them know. There's no point in worrying them about anything. I can handle it.

Well here's my situation. I have a feeling that if I suddenly died, everyone would be shocked. A few might cry, but probably not a lot. But after a few weeks, a group of people might start to feel my absence. Especially because they no longer have a place to stay and play. Wow huh? THAT'S their priority. I dunno if I'm just over reacting, but I really think that some people might just miss my condo more than me. And that's gotta suck on my part.

I have some emo-ish tendencies, so I've had a few suicidal thoughts lately. I wanna test my theory as to which they prefer - the condo or the owner. But I'm not that stupid. Yeah, I may try it out a bit, but I'd never pull through with it. That would just be a waste. I think.

If by any chance someone concerned reads this, please don't worry. Just forget what you read and continue on with your life. :)