Promises

I don't know whether I should be sad, amused, or annoyed by how my friends keep teasing me. They'll ask me if it still hurts, if I'm over you. What else am I supposed to answer other than the truth? I tell them I am, but the problem is that no one believes me. Alright, I admit it, even I don't believe myself at times. But I just don't feel it anymore. I'm not sure if it's because we don't talk anymore or what. You know, it's kinda hard to love someone you don't even talk to anymore, even if it's unrequited. It's like saying your favorite food is mashed potatoes when the last time you ate it was when you were seven years old. I guess you can still say it's your favorite, but who knows? Maybe your taste buds have changed within that time frame. Or maybe it's the food that changed.

Remember our old promises? Now that I think of it, I guess they were just on the spur of the moment, but a promise is still a promise. One of those promises occurred when we were still hiding stuff from each other. We then decided to make a promise: No secrets. Ever since then, we had become closer. We no longer had to hide anything. We kept through with our promise. But look at us now. Do you ever wonder how much you don't know about me anymore? Do you ever think about how much I've changed since we drifted apart? I know I still think about you and this promise. I think about what were the things you would've shared to me. What would you have said? Would you have told me where you went and what you did? I don't mean to be clingy, I'm just making a point. If you ask me now, I wouldn't even be sure if you had stayed in your house the entire vacation or what.

Another promise is a big one. Before we even went into our relationship, we were really close, especially for people that have only know each other for five months. I even told you secrets that I didn't dare tell my best friends. You were that important to me back then. I even considered you as a best friend too. I don't know if you still remember this, but I made you promise that no matter what happens to us, we would still be friends. Nothing is to change that. Short and simple. When we had just broken up, I was kinda afraid that things would be different between us. I was relieved to find that everything was still the same, minus the title. We even went to the mall together the day after our break up. And that was totally fine with me. It gave me the reassurance that I needed to see that everything would turn out right in the end. But boy, was I wrong. After a few months, we almost got back together. But then I find out that you found someone better. So I left you two alone. It was fine at first. You would still talk to me once in a while to update me. But I noticed that after my birthday, almost all communication had stopped. It was cause she got jealous easily. At least I still understood that. But now, I just don't get it. Did that mean we couldn't be friends anymore? It's funny actually. I even recall you apologizing. What was that for? 'I'm sorry, but I can't be friends with you anymore'? What's up with that? I understood the part about you having to make space between us, but this is just exaggerating.

The last promise that I remember is one that I knew you would break, but not like this. It's the typical "I'm never going to leave you, I promise" bit. By the time you said that, I knew that it was coming. That was the time that we were getting into constant arguments over nothing in particular. I was bracing myself for the worst back then. I just kept telling myself that you'll still be by my side even if we ending up breaking up. BUZZ!! Wrong again. Aside from talking, we don't even see each other anymore. What a bummer. I know, I know. It's all because you love her so much. I get it. It shows. You love her so much that you're willing to sacrifice your friends because of her. You know what? "Our" group of friends were together for two weeks in a row already. I just decided not to invite you since I knew it would just be a waste of breath. Of course you wouldn't go. Even if I ask your friends, they would already know your answer without going to you first. So yeah. I guess you have left me. Not just as a lover, but also as someone I knew.

If by any chance you're reading this, I'm sorry. I know all of this sounds offending, but I'm not writing this to get you pissed. I just wanted to be able to let all this out. I've been keeping this in for who knows how long. Long story short, I miss you. Don't worry, I am TOTALLY OVER YOU. (Okay, maybe 95%, but that's as close as I can get.) It's my friend that I miss. My best friend. The guy I told all of my secrets to. The guy who knew just what to say to make me smile again. My Kuya. I just want him back into my life. I don't care about being anything big and important in your life anymore though. I just want to be able to call you my friend again. That's all I'm asking. You know, the occasional "How are you?" would be fine. That's it. Is that really too much to ask? And I just wanna say, I love you. No, not in the romantic sense. And I don't think I can still call you a friend in this situation. So I love you as a stranger. Is that okay?