Family

Just the other day, I got a full on sermon by my mom and dad. They went on and on about how I didn't talk to them with respect, how I'm asleep when they're awake, how I'm awake while they're asleep, and how I prioritize my friends over my family. While they went on and on about my actions, my mind was racing with things I wished I could tell them to their face. But I'm not that mean. I couldn't bring myself to tell them off and say that this is all their fault.

I know I don't talk with respect. I rarely do. My parents aren't exceptions to that. I mean, how am I supposed to respect them if they themselves can't do it to each other or even to me. I know they ARE my parents and they deserve respect, but that's not really what they're showing. They don't make themselves respectable. Would you consider respecting a couple you see outside, fighting and screaming curses at each other at 100 mph? What more if you see someone calling their own kid a son of a bitch? And how about if these curses and swears were directed at you? And for the cherry on top, imagine your own parents being the ones calling you an "anak ng puta". Would you really find the time to respect them?

They also started complaining about how I "never had time for them". They would say that they wanted to eat breakfast together, but I would have been asleep until lunch. "Kung gusto, may paraan" means If there's a will, there's a way. I've always wondered why they didn't just wake me up. If family bonding was so important to them, why didn't they show it with their actions? And if ever I do wake up early enough for it to be considered breakfast, we don't really eat together. I eat at the dining table, my dad brings his food to the living room, and my mom, well I never get to see her eat. She usually eats before or after everybody else. Even my little brother eats his food in his playroom.

When they tried to make me feel guilty by playing the "You spend more time with your friends than us" card, I had to bite my tongue. I really wanted to talk back and tell them what I felt, but I knew that would have been going too far. In my head, I was tempted to just tell them straight out that my friends are more like family to me than they were. Whenever I needed help or someone to talk to, they would be there for me, no matter how busy they were. They would be able to tell when I had something on my mind. They knew me better than anyone else. Honestly, my parents don't know anything about me. Or if they know anything, it wouldn't be much. They don't know what I do during the day. They don't know how I feel when I see them fighting. They probably don't even know what my favorite type of music is. But my friends know better. See, my friends ARE my family. That's why there's no wondering why I prioritize them over me locking myself in my bedroom the entire weekend with no one to talk to. 

And lately, I get a bunch of texts from my mom saying how she wants to move out and leave my dad. Really? Our family is already messed up as it is, and now I have way more on my plate than I can handle. Sometimes, I just wish that we didn't have all this money and power. I wish that we were just an average family that actually acts the part. I think that's what I really need now.