This is a blog of a bored little girl, so don't expect much. Posts are gonna be random and ranging from serious, meaningful entries to just some random shit. You can find most, if not all, of my interests in here, like games, nail art, music, food, and more. I don't have any previous experience with blogging, so sorry in advance if I bore you to death. :)
It's already the start of a new year already. Is it just me, or did 2012 go by fast? Well I started of the year by myself, but I'm kinda used to it. Since I know that people around here don't actually start celebrating new years right on the dot, I decided to step outside 15 minutes before midnight. I went upstairs and onto the terrace, and I decided to just stand there and wait for the new year to come in. I stood alone, unsure of which direction to face. A few random fireworks had already started lighting up the night sky, so I had something to keep me busy. After a few more minutes had passed, the bigger displays started up. I was surrounded by light. A few sparks flashed from across the waters in Sangley Point. More shot up from the opposite direction. Honestly, I thought that those lights were breathtaking, no matter how repetitive they were. I dunno if it's cause I was alone or what. Actually, this is my first new years that I spent by myself. Usually, I have at least my family up with me. This year, they were all fast asleep as the clock struck twelve. But I didn't worry about it at the time. I was too preoccupied with the light show. When I turned towards Manila bay, I could see the whole horizon covered with small fireworks. Just watching those flashes put a smile on my face, up to the point that I started tearing up.
Even though I started the year alone, I didn't feel alone. I'm not sure that's such a good sign, but I feel like 2013 is gonna be good to me. I hope my feelings are right. :)
After an entire term of hell, it all comes down to this. Standing by to see my final grades flashed on the screen. I'm not expecting much actually. I already know what subject I failed. The rest, I would settle for just passing. But who am I to blame but myself? I knew I was in trouble the minute I got back my first set of quizzes from my professors, but I didn't do anything to change that. I continued with letting my mind wander during class. Honestly, I deserve to fail almost all of my classes. That's why when I learned that I passed all but one, I figured that was good enough.
Back when I was in elementary, I would NEVER settle for 'good enough'. I wanted to be the best. I would memorize paragraphs in my textbooks, practice my reports at home, and actually give some effort. Now, I wonder what happened to the me back then. She probably got lost somewhere. Cause if you compare me back then and now, it's like two totally different girls. I've changed. I became rebellious. I became impatient.
I don't like how much I've changed. My standards went from the top all the way to average. So I'm gonna try to change back to how I was before. I'm gonna make an effort. I'm gonna study, take notes, and review. I WILL change back. And I will prove that I can do this. Two failures is enough, I don't wanna add to that. This time, I won't settle for 'good enough'.
Welcome to hell week! This is the last week we are allowed to take exams before the finals, so all of our classes have our last test within the span of this week. In just three days, we have four different exams, all of which are math related. Imagine that. A week full of numbers and theorems to memorize and understand. How stressful can a student's life get? Well it is our last push to pull up our grades before the finals, so everybody's serious. Well, almost everybody.
They've been having group study sessions almost everyday now. Last night they even stayed in Starbucks to study until the store closed. Honestly, I'm not really the 'group study' type of person. I find it much easier to study alone in my room while I listen to random music. I can't stand studying in a quiet room with just my notes and papers in front of me. I like to play games and surf the net while studying, contrary to what most of my classmates are used to. I'm just not compatible to study with the likes of them. And I say it's totally fine.
Another problem with me is that I rarely study before midnight. I find it hard to understand and absorb what I'm studying if it's too early (for my standards that is). But I hate being alone, so I still tag along to the study groups just for the company. But lately I guess that's being a little too selfish. I guess you can say that I'm just a distraction to them. While they're all busy reviewing, I'm playing games that have sharp sound effects. And if I'm not playing, I'm usually talking or sleeping. The sleeping part isn't too bad for them, but apparently I should learn to keep my mouth shut more. I guess I'm just naturally annoying. And now I kinda get why a lot of people don't like me. Well it's not like they tell me to my face that they dislike me (with the exception to a few souls that I truly appreciate for their honesty), but I can tell by the vibes they emit when I'm around. Maybe it's just my existence in general that irritates them, but I'm not sure.
So I guess I should just shut up and lay low for the next two weeks since finals are just around the corner. I don't want people to hate me more than they already do. I guess I just won't tag along to their study groups for a while. I prefer being alone than having people get mad at me. I'll just have some more alone time for myself.
The second part of the mini series titled Faith Factor started off with praise and worship as usual. The songs played included Cornerstone, No Compromise, Go, With Us, and Hosanna. I really recommend listening to these songs. :)
When we sat down, they had a couple members of the music team come up on stage to sing a special number. Now normally I don't pay much attention to the songs they sing during this time, but they shocked me by singing a song that I know and love. It's called What Faith Can Do by Kutless, which I'll post here so that if someone sees this blog, they can listen to this great song. :)
Afterwards, the speaker came up on stage and gave a short recap of what went on during the first part of the series. She then stated the main point of the night: Faith that accelerates.
When you look in a dictionary, you can find that the definition of the word 'accelerate' means to cause greater activity, development, progress. In physics, it even has its own law that is given by the formula F=ma, meaning that force is the product of mass and acceleration. You can tweak that formula so that you can derive the acceleration so it becomes a=F/m. We can give F and m a different definition though, so that this formula would mean 'Acceleration is faith in motion'. The main verse of the night was
"By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going."
Hebrews 11:8
Notice that the verse started off with the words 'by faith', which is the entire topic of the series. Actually, the entire verse pretty much described what faith really is. And if the verse isn't enough, there's also an acronym to remind us of the meaning:
Forsaking All I Trust Him
I guess you can say that this acronym pretty much summarizes the meaning of faith in a nutshell. Another verse was stated that helped to paint the picture.
31 Terah took his son Abram, his grandson Lot son of Haran, and his daughter-in-law Sarai, the wife of his son Abram, and together they set out from Ur of the Chaldeans to go to Canaan. But when they came to Harran, they settled there. 32 Terah lived 205 years, and he died in Harran.
Genesis 11:31-32
As you can see, they stayed in Harran for a pretty long time. They didn't rush themselves or anything, but just decided to wait. That tells us that 'times of waiting helps up depend on Him and trust his timing.'
Back to the main verse, we find that Abraham was 'called' to go off to a far place. When we go back to the book of Genesis, we can find the story of the call of Abram.
1 The Lord had said to Abram, “Go from your country, your people and your father’s household to the land I will show you.
2 I will make you into a great nation, and I will bless you; I will make your name great, and you will be a blessing.
3 I will bless those who bless you, and whoever curses you I will curse; and all peoples on earth will be blessed through you.”
Genesis 12:1-3
Take note that in this passage, God says the phrase 'I will' a total of six times. These are all of the promises that God made to Abram should he follow. And when God wills it, he fulfills it.
God told Abram to 'go to a place' that he would 'receive as his inheritance'. That means that it is another one of God's promises to him. But if you were in Abram's shoes, would you follow? If someone were to suddenly tell you that they'll give you a piece of land that is far away if you went there, would you really go without hesitation? The world today is filled with doubt. There's a chance that the promise someone makes with you won't be fulfilled. But are you willing to take that chance and go? Going back in the bible, we find this verse:
6 Abram traveled through the land as far as the site of the great tree of Moreh at Shechem. At that time the Canaanites were in the land. 7 The Lord appeared to Abram and said, “To your offspring I will give this land.” So he built an altar there to the Lord, who had appeared to him.
Genesis 12:6-7
In this verse, we can see that Abraham built an altar. An alter is a symbol of devotion, so his act of building an alter shows his gratitude towards God. If you think about it, he has already gone a long way, yet he still works to show God how thankful he is. It is faith in motion that fuels our prayer and devotion.
The last main bit of the verse has the most impact. It is the part where he 'obeyed and went, even though'. I'm pretty sure almost everyone has a hard time to do something if there are a few details missing. When was the last time you knew you had something to do and you did it without hesitation? Normally when we know we have to do something or go somewhere, we would first ask questions like 'How can I be sure that will happen?' or 'What if I can't do it?' and that is totally natural. Many people like to be certain of things before acting. But when you follow someone's command without question, you have faith that you will still get your reward. Which gives us the lesson 'obey and go, even if we do not know'.
With this said, another speaker came up on stage. She shared with us another verse. 5
5 Lord, you alone are my portion and my cup; you make my lot secure.
6 The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance.
Psalm 16:5-6
She then told us about all of the hardships she was going through, She spoke about how stressed she was because of exams and tests, how much pressure she had on herself, and of the sacrifices that she had to make. But the main point that she highlighted in the verses she cited was 'surely I have a delightful inheritance'. That short phrase showed that God will reward us for our hardships; all we have to do is have faith.
After this, the word of the Lord came to Abram in a vision: “Do not be afraid, Abram. I am your shield, your very great reward.”
Genesis 15:1
She then concluded her testimony by giving a few tips.
Put your faith on who, not on what - This means we have faith on God, not the result, for God is always there no matter what the result is.
Pray
Keep His word in your heart
The main discussion continued with a verse about what happened to Abram after going off to Canaan.
"Now there was a famine in the land, and Abram went down to Egypt to live there for a while because the famine was severe."
Genesis 12:10
The specific term used was 'famine', which meant a severe shortage of food. This was a major hardship in Abram's life, so he had to find refuge in Egypt. Even though he went to a different place, God still provided for him. For him, Egypt was a place of comfort. The problem is that Canaan is the promised land, not Egypt. That means Abram had to make a decision of whether to go back to Canaan or stay in Egypt where he lived comfortly. The thing is, when we run to Egypt, we are cowards. We are literally running away from our problems. We don't follow God's orders just so that we could live without a certain issue bothering us. But ask yourself - is that the right thing to do? I'm pretty sure every single one of us has run away from the path that God made for us for our own selfish needs. But if we read on, we find that Abraham still went back to Canaan. In the end, he still came back to God, which is exactly what we should do in that kind of situation.
God has no plan B. Everything that happens to us, God has willed it. Whether it be good or bad, God is still the one that wrote our story. If it is for good, we are blessed. Even if its bad, that's just God's way of saying that he has better in store for us. Nothing is an accident.
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Jeremiah 29:11
20 Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, 21 being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised.
Romans 4:20-21
The condition of your faith does not just affect you. It affects others. It affects the world. How you view your world gives a great insight as to the condition of your faith. Your perspective in turn affects how you act, not just when you're alone, but also when you're around others. And those acts will also affect the world around you.
"...fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."
Hebrews 12:2
Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith. This is a reminder that Jesus in the foundation of our faith. He is at the center of everything. So as long as we keep our eyes on him, we can have faith in Him.
"Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see."
Hebrews 11:1
Jesus is the Foundation of a Faith that Accelerates.
How would you feel if you gave someone a gift that you had planned for them for months, just to have them turn you down? What if that particular gift was worth 2 weeks of your allowance, meaning you could barely eat just to save up for it? Now what if it was your own mother who turned you down? Ouch right?
I know I'm not the best daughter in the world, but hearing something like that hurts. I go to give her my gift, and she tells me 'I'd rather you helped out instead of a gift'. Ugh, how am I supposed to help out if no one woke me up? It's like I'm repeating stuff from my Family post again.
Come on, I know my mistakes. I know where I went wrong. But this is just too much. Aside from being yelled at by my dad to wake up a little after 2PM, I get my gift rejected. I need a hug. Or a family. Or a family to hug. Cause I obviously don't have one of those.
Whenever I get something for some of my friends, the first thing that comes out of their mouths is a 'thank you'. And that's before even opening it. They're grateful without even knowing what it is they're receiving. Then I also get an occasional hug if they really like what they got. Why can't my own family do that? See, my friends are my REAL family.
I'm gonna keep this post short, since I still have to get ready for my mom's party. Anyways, I just wanna say happy birthday to my mom, even though I know she won't read this. Don't worry. I still love you.
This is a very late post, but it's better late than never. Unight had a series break composed of two meetings. It was pretty much all about faith, which is a pretty big topic on its own. I just figured that I should write about it. So here's the first installment of the mini-series. :)
The night began with praise and worship, and I recommend listening to the songs to get into the mood. The song list for the night included Nothing is Impossible, Search My Heart, Higher, and With Us. As we took our seats, they mentioned this verse that was a perfect way to start the series.
"Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see."
Hebrews 11:1
As the actual discusion started, they cited a few verses that got me thinking.
6 “Therefore, say to the Israelites: ‘I am the Lord, and I will bring you out from under the yoke of the Egyptians. I will free you from being slaves to them, and I will redeem you with an outstretched arm and with mighty acts of judgment.7 I will take you as my own people, and I will be your God. Then you will know that I am the Lord your God, who brought you out from under the yoke of the Egyptians. 8 And I will bring you to the land I swore with uplifted hand to give to Abraham, to Isaac and to Jacob. I will give it to you as a possession. I am the Lord.’”
9 Moses reported this to the Israelites, but they did not listen to him because of their discouragement and harsh labor.
10 Then the Lord said to Moses, 11 “Go, tell Pharaoh king of Egypt to let the Israelites go out of his country.”
12 But Moses said to the Lord, “If the Israelites will not listen to me, why would Pharaoh listen to me, since I speak with faltering lips?”
Exodus 6:6-12
Take note of the term 'faltering lips' in the last verse. It shows that even Moses was hesitant to do as God told him. The truth is, we all are. There are just some instances that even though we know what God wants us to do, we just can't find it in us to follow. That's normal for anyone, so it isn't something to be ashamed of. And if ever that time comes, God will find a way for us. In the next verse, we can see that happen.
1 Then the Lord said to Moses, “See, I have made you like God to Pharaoh, and your brother Aaron will be your prophet. 2 You are to say everything I command you, and your brother Aaron is to tell Pharaoh to let the Israelites go out of his country.
Exodus 7:1-2
We then skip years and years of the story to find Moses again, though much older.
24 By faith Moses, when he had grown up, refused to be known as the son of Pharaoh’s daughter. 25 He chose to be mistreated along with the people of God rather than to enjoy the fleeting pleasures of sin.
Hebrews 11:24-25
Moses did something that normal people wouldn't do. If you were given a title as grand as being the son/daughter of someone famous, wouldn't you want to boast about it? Instead, he chose to be mistreated instead of living in a life of luxury. He'd rather miss out on those privileges to be among other people of God. Which brings us to our main point. We have to learn to surrender our comfort zones. We have to step out of our safe zone if that is what God wants from us. We should be able to give ourselves up entirely to God. That includes the parts of our lives that we want to ourselves.
Many people follow God passionately, but only up to a certain point. For example, you're willing to commit yourself to going to church every week, BUT only if you don't have any prior plans with friends. There's always that "but" that hinders us from following God fully. We're willing to give up so much, except for that one aspect in your life. Now this could be different from person to person. It could be academics, family, friends, habits, hobbies, etc. The possibilities are limitless. It's because we find a sense of reassurance if we have control over a part of our lives. That's why we might be hesitant to let go of something. That's what we have to change. We have to learn to let go of everything for God, even if that means stepping out of our comfort zone. When we take that step out into the open, that is what you call faith.
Aside from our comfort zones, we also have weaknesses that may make us hesitant. You might think "I don't have any useful talent. I can't sing, dance, speak, or socialize. God can't use me.", but you're wrong about that. God will still use us, despite our weaknesses. God gave each and every one of us a talent of their own. It's just up to us to discover that talent so that you can use it.
For those that have already found their talent, another problem arises that stops us from being used by God. Time. We might find our schedules to be too hectic to be able to do anything. We might find ourselves facing the books the entire day, or busy working until the sun sets. But here's the thing: busyness is not an issue - Are you going to make time? What is just ten minutes from your crowded schedule? If you could find time to check your Facebook notifications, you could also find time to read a couple verses from the bible. You could find time to just close your eyes and have a short conversation with God. You could find time to pray. It's just a few minutes everyday. Is that really too much? Aside from surrendering our comfort zones, we should also learn to surrender our time.
Think of it this way. What do you have? You have a family, a home, the clothes on your back, the food that you eat, the money that you spend, the time that you live, and so much more. And where did all of those come from? No, not your parents. They all came from God. He was the one that gave us food when we were hungry, clothes when we were cold, and more. So how bad is it to just give a little back? Our understanding of what God rendered, gives us faith that surrenders.
"...since God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect."
Hebrews 11:40
So all we really have to do is have faith in whatever God has in store for use. Faith produces surrender in our lives.
"...fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."
I don't know whether I should be sad, amused, or annoyed by how my friends keep teasing me. They'll ask me if it still hurts, if I'm over you. What else am I supposed to answer other than the truth? I tell them I am, but the problem is that no one believes me. Alright, I admit it, even I don't believe myself at times. But I just don't feel it anymore. I'm not sure if it's because we don't talk anymore or what. You know, it's kinda hard to love someone you don't even talk to anymore, even if it's unrequited. It's like saying your favorite food is mashed potatoes when the last time you ate it was when you were seven years old. I guess you can still say it's your favorite, but who knows? Maybe your taste buds have changed within that time frame. Or maybe it's the food that changed.
Remember our old promises? Now that I think of it, I guess they were just on the spur of the moment, but a promise is still a promise. One of those promises occurred when we were still hiding stuff from each other. We then decided to make a promise: No secrets. Ever since then, we had become closer. We no longer had to hide anything. We kept through with our promise. But look at us now. Do you ever wonder how much you don't know about me anymore? Do you ever think about how much I've changed since we drifted apart? I know I still think about you and this promise. I think about what were the things you would've shared to me. What would you have said? Would you have told me where you went and what you did? I don't mean to be clingy, I'm just making a point. If you ask me now, I wouldn't even be sure if you had stayed in your house the entire vacation or what.
Another promise is a big one. Before we even went into our relationship, we were really close, especially for people that have only know each other for five months. I even told you secrets that I didn't dare tell my best friends. You were that important to me back then. I even considered you as a best friend too. I don't know if you still remember this, but I made you promise that no matter what happens to us, we would still be friends. Nothing is to change that. Short and simple. When we had just broken up, I was kinda afraid that things would be different between us. I was relieved to find that everything was still the same, minus the title. We even went to the mall together the day after our break up. And that was totally fine with me. It gave me the reassurance that I needed to see that everything would turn out right in the end. But boy, was I wrong. After a few months, we almost got back together. But then I find out that you found someone better. So I left you two alone. It was fine at first. You would still talk to me once in a while to update me. But I noticed that after my birthday, almost all communication had stopped. It was cause she got jealous easily. At least I still understood that. But now, I just don't get it. Did that mean we couldn't be friends anymore? It's funny actually. I even recall you apologizing. What was that for? 'I'm sorry, but I can't be friends with you anymore'? What's up with that? I understood the part about you having to make space between us, but this is just exaggerating.
The last promise that I remember is one that I knew you would break, but not like this. It's the typical "I'm never going to leave you, I promise" bit. By the time you said that, I knew that it was coming. That was the time that we were getting into constant arguments over nothing in particular. I was bracing myself for the worst back then. I just kept telling myself that you'll still be by my side even if we ending up breaking up. BUZZ!! Wrong again. Aside from talking, we don't even see each other anymore. What a bummer. I know, I know. It's all because you love her so much. I get it. It shows. You love her so much that you're willing to sacrifice your friends because of her. You know what? "Our" group of friends were together for two weeks in a row already. I just decided not to invite you since I knew it would just be a waste of breath. Of course you wouldn't go. Even if I ask your friends, they would already know your answer without going to you first. So yeah. I guess you have left me. Not just as a lover, but also as someone I knew.
If by any chance you're reading this, I'm sorry. I know all of this sounds offending, but I'm not writing this to get you pissed. I just wanted to be able to let all this out. I've been keeping this in for who knows how long. Long story short, I miss you. Don't worry, I am TOTALLY OVER YOU. (Okay, maybe 95%, but that's as close as I can get.) It's my friend that I miss. My best friend. The guy I told all of my secrets to. The guy who knew just what to say to make me smile again. My Kuya. I just want him back into my life. I don't care about being anything big and important in your life anymore though. I just want to be able to call you my friend again. That's all I'm asking. You know, the occasional "How are you?" would be fine. That's it. Is that really too much to ask? And I just wanna say, I love you. No, not in the romantic sense. And I don't think I can still call you a friend in this situation. So I love you as a stranger. Is that okay?
