Tell me

Here I go again. Another completely random and unpredictable moment when I drown myself in all of the negative feelings I've apparently been keeping it all to myself for a while. I guess without myself even knowing, it just suddenly overflowed. Well, I guess I have nothing else to do but to talk to no one in particular until the bad feelings go away. It's not like I have anyone else I wanna bother in particular.

I feel like shit.

Yeah, I guess that's the most accurate statement as to the whirlpool of emotions that I am currently trapped within. I feel like I can't do anything worth doing anymore. I can't answer phones. I can't buy from small shops. I can't cross the street.

I can't.

Well, it's either I can't, or I don't think I can. I keep making stupid excuses for not learning new things like riding a bike, getting my license, and more. I sometimes even have this bad habit of blaming my parents for never leaving me alone so I could never try something new. I just feel like this failure of a girl that keeps laughing off her problems by making them out as jokes.

I need someone.

I need someone to tell me otherwise. To tell me I'm not a failure and that I'll be fine. To tell me that everyone goes through this sort of existential crisis at one point or another as to their purpose in life, and that I'm not alone in this. Or even someone to smack the truth into me so that I know I need to change. I don't really know what I want. I just need someone to talk to.

And I don't wanna do what other do like posting out in public that they need attention like those annoying attention whores. I don't want people to look at me and think 'oh, she just wants people to tell her she's smart, talented, etc.'. I don't want that. I just want to be accepted. I want people to tell me, but I don't wanna tell anyone what I need. So in the end, I just went in a circle and solved nothing. Sure, I have my few best friends, but I don't want them to worry about me any more than they have to. I wanna be strong too. I just don't know how I'm supposed to get up in the first place.

I feel so confused. I need help. I don't want help. It's like my ego is protecting something this trivial. Anyhow, if anyone I know ends up reading this, just don't mention it. I'll probably be fine by the time anyone notices this post anyways. Just a small tip though. Leave little hints that I actually mean something. I would definitely appreciate that. :) So I guess this entire post was just me letting out whatever I felt. I guess that's how almost all of my posts are. Sorry about the long ranting.