Home sick

When you hear homesick, you'd probably think I meant that I missed my home. Meeeh, not really. Actually, it's kinda the opposite. When I'm home, I'm sick of it.

I'm REALLY confused right now. My debut is coming up in less than a month, and my mom is busy with preparations. And by preparations, I mean invitations here, giveaways there. The entire "kitchen" is filled with Disney related stuff. And when I saw all of the things my mom was doing to make my party a success, I admit that I almost cried. I don't really like my mom and stuff, so it feels weird when I see her putting so much effort into something for me. I mean, I usually see her not really caring about what I'm doing and stuff. So the part of me that sees all of the work she put into this is super affected. It makes me wanna rethink how I see my mom.

The only problem is when I'm out alone with her. Sure, we may not be at each other's throats anymore like before, but sometimes I wish it were like that instead. My mom doesn't argue with me as much, but now it's more with my dad. We were talking a bit about how my mom got my dad a plane ticket to America for 1. In my head, I was thinking Aww, she wants my dad to have a vacation. That's so sweet. But when I asked her, she told me it was because she wanted to get away from my dad for a bit. Okay, that kinda ruined it for me. Even in the car ride back home, she went on and on about how "lucky" my dad is that she's so nice, or else she would have left him already. I wonder if a parent really should be telling that kind of stuff to their teenage daughter that has emotional issues.

That's why I hate it here. I really can't have just ONE weekend here at home when I don't cry because of something, be it an argument or something like this. I just can't stand it. But there is one thing I'm sure of though. If my parents DO separate *knocks on wood*, I'm not gonna stick around. I'd rather stay in Manila by myself than choose a side. If that happens, I won't have a home to be sick of anymore.