What happened?

Remember those times that we'd stay up until morning just chatting, even though we had class the next day? When we would laugh about the most random things? How I would call in the middle of the night and just listening to your breathing while you slept? When we would take the long route back home just to extend the time we had together, and end up running back home because of the rain? I wonder, what happened?

You were my friend. No, more than that. You were my best friend. You were the first person I ever opened up to, the person that changed me the most. You taught me so much, like to enjoy life more. You were also the one that brought me back to God. You showed me so much. You taught me to be thankful again, to stop looking at just the downside to everything. You showed me that there really is a meaning in my life. But then again, what happened?

You always knew just what to say to turn my frown upside down. You were there for me when I needed you. You would hold me tight when I needed a hug. You'd even throw french fries at me for no reason in particular. While playing games that I was no good at, you were the one that got revenge for every time I died. When you knew I was crying, you'd comfort me. You'd talk to me over the phone if you knew I really needed to hear someone's voice. You showed me that I wasn't alone. It was because you were there. But what happened?

You'd hold my hand while we walked around the neighborhood. You'd hand me a bouquet of roses and tell me you loved me. You'd hug me. You'd kiss me. You would tell me things that sounded so sweet. You'd write me letters, even though you keep telling me you're no good with that kind of thing. You'd even go out of your way to make sure that I got home safe. I think about it everyday, what happened?

But something changed. We fought. We argued about the stupidest things. I'd cry. You'd say sorry. I'd forgive you. And we'd repeat the process. We grew apart. Something was not right. We could tell. We talked about it. We agreed. And we said goodbye. What happened?

And now, after 3 years of knowing you, of loving you, it's your special day. Before, we would spend it together. We'd go out, do something fun with our friends. So, what happened? Now, we don't even talk. What was once something we did everyday became a rare event. And now I can't even celebrate your day with you, no matter how much I want to. And trust me. You don't know how much I want to see you, to be able to greet you personally. But things just can't go the way me want them to. Oh well.

So if you're reading this, I just want to say happy birthday. Thank you for all of the memories that you gave me. I'm just so happy that you were born 18 years ago and I met you. I pray that you would be happy with your life. And remember, if ever you need someone to talk to, I'll just be right here, waiting. So enjoy your day. Have a good one. :) I love you.  I miss you.

Plans

Hello my blog! I missed you so much! I haven't had any time for blogging lately. Life has been pretty hectic recently. But finally, I have time to wind down for a bit and relax. Finals just finished, and a new term is approaching soon.

Vacation. It's what most people look forward to after a long time of studying or working. It could mean a trip to the beach, a wild party, or even just a cup of chocolate and a nice book. It's a way to just relax and have fun doing anything you want. Some people like to go with the flow during their vacations, but there are others that like to plan things out.

Say that you were given a two month vacation. What would you do? Plan a trip to another country? Go site-seeing? Visit some relatives? Or would you just keep yourself at hope and spend the entire day in your pajamas? Different people have different perspectives as to how they want to spend their free time. What the word 'vacation' means to you could be entirely different from the thoughts of the person next to you. And that's fine. It's our own thoughts and opinions, so why should others influence us?

Now think about this. You just finished an entire term of stress in college. You passed all of your finals, submitted all of your projects. You're relieved that you actually survived the entire term with all of your limbs intact. Your long-awaited vacation is just about to start. But wait, there's a catch. The term break is only three days long.

What would YOU do? Actually, there are many things that can be done in the span of three days. You can catch up on sleep that you lost during the finals week. You can watch a few series that you missed out on. You can play a few games. You could spend your vacation like any other long weekend.

But then again, would you really want your vacation to be that monotonous? I personally wouldn't. I mean, this is still different from your normal long weekend. This is the only time where there is no stress involved. No worrying about assignments due on Monday. No fretting over quizzes and tests the following week. No nothing.

I would prefer to spend my short vacation having a blast. And that's exactly what I'm planning to do. My bags are packed and ready to go. I'm gonna be going on a two day / one night trip to Subic with my friends. And boy, our schedule is packed! We have some time at the beach, hiking, eating out, and just having fun. It's time to just forget about the start of classes for a while, and just to enjoy the time now. 

Day 30: A Picture Of You From Last Year And Now. How much have you changed?

Wow, look how fast the time has gone. That was pretty quick though. I guess I never realized how a year has already gone by. Well, a lot has happened since a year ago. I changed a lot, I experienced a lot, I grew a lot (except in the height department). I dunno how I'm supposed to list down everything that has changed in me though, so I guess I'll just go for the main bits.

A year ago, as you can see in the picture, I was still really happy. I didn't worry about being alone, I didn't have trust issues, I was alright. I'm not blaming anyone for the change that happened though, except maybe myself. I mean, it is kinda my fault that I changed like this. Now, I would cry almost every night. I would keep a box full of memories near me and I would read the little notes that someone made for me before so I wouldn't feel so alone. I have tons of stuffed toys to hug and keep me company during the night now. Deep down, I became scared of what would happen to me. Yeah, I guess this change is not for the good. My attitude totally changed around people. I would get mad easily, I would start swearing whenever I could (which is something I never did a year ago), and I wouldn't be able to control my emotions. Hmm. As I'm typing this, I realize that my life sucks. :/

Well of course, not everything that changed about me is bad. I mean, I've also changed for the better. Back then, I was a selfish brat that only thought of myself. Now, I guess you can take the brat part out. I'm still selfish, but not as bad as before. I prioritize others before myself now. I've also become more responsible. I joined a bunch of extra curricular activities to help me pass the time, like Mathematics Circle and the College Government of Science. I also have a lot more new friends now. I'm more approachable now than before. Sometimes, I even make the first move to make a new friend, which is something I rarely did before. I guess you can say that I have become a lot busier now. And that's not necessarily a bad thing. It helps keep my mind off of things.

I guess the biggest change though is how I have grown beside God. I remember back in high school when I would never go to church unless there's a required mass in school. But now, I regularly attend a youth service on Fridays and small groups on Tuesdays. Yeah, I know I still have a long way to go, and I know that I still do a lot of wrong that no one would be proud of, but at least now I can say that I'm trying to get back to God. I'm at least making an effort to change for the better. I want to be able to share to others that I am following God's will. I want to make God proud to have a daughter like me. I know that this might take a while, but I'm still willing to go on, even if it's just one step at a time.